Did you know you can hurt the people you help by refusing to set boundaries with them? But still, isn’t it burdensome to take on someone’s burden for the sake of charity and goodwill? Not being able to set boundaries can hurt both parties involved, so it is extremely important to resolve this issue right away! If you find it difficult to say no, prioritize your needs, challenge poor behavior, or walk away from toxic environments, you struggle with setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries has been a past struggle I have learned to overcome, so I completely understand how frustrating and confusing it can be. After reading this blog, you will be empowered to regain control. I will explain how refusing to set boundaries can affect you and those around you. You will be convicted, through Biblical principles, of how to create and maintain boundaries naturally and effortlessly without feelings of guilt, shame, or regret.
God, the creator of this universe, has boundaries! They are written in all His laws throughout the Bible. When those laws are breached, there are severe consequences, including physical and spiritual death! Although God is loving and merciful, he is also fearful, just like a child with strict parents.
Since God has established boundaries through His laws, so should you! It is time to regain control over your life as God intended. So, without further ado, here are the four ways people may be affected by not setting boundaries and how God can change that for you, too!
1. People will take advantage of you
When you don’t set boundaries, people will take advantage of you. Even the kindest person you know would take advantage of someone who refuses to set limitations for themselves. You will find that people will overconsume your time, energy, and resources simply because you let them. But that is not what God has called us to do.
We all know that God gives us free will. But did you know that if we refuse to set clear boundaries with others, they will deplete us by constantly being at their mercy? You will supersede what you want to do for yourself and spend all your time and energy doing what others want. It is like witchcraft! Because people are in complete control of you, pulling the strings to make you do their will.
Do not confuse charity with enabling behavior. Of course, it is a kind gesture to help others, but we must not encourage them to depend solely on us. Once we allow others to rely on us, we stunt their growth and feel burdened by their constant need to depend on us.
2. You hinder the spiritual growth of those you refuse to set boundaries with
God’s word declares that we must be perfect in righteousness to do his will according to his plan for our lives. When you allow someone to rely on you constantly, you can interrupt their journey of finding or relying on God. Instead of these individuals building and strengthening themselves during life’s toughest times, they revert to relying on you to do their heavy lifting. As previously mentioned, you can inadvertently turn them into a manipulator, which is akin to witchcraft!
Knowing this must be convicting enough to start setting boundaries now! People can forget that they must find their path, beginning with doing things for themselves. Whatever they depend on you for, they must seek from a higher power who can help them navigate their way.
God has a way of showing us our true purpose, especially during our weakest moments in life. The Bible says, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). This speaks to the fact that God wants us to rely on Him and no one else. If someone is dependent on you, they need to be redirected to God because who else can better help them than Him? In the process, not only will he strengthen them spiritually, but he will also lead them to His will for their lives.
If you were to intervene in this potential relationship people could build with God, you could unintentionally sever the relationship they could have with God himself. This can hinder someone’s spiritual growth and purpose!
3. A lack of boundaries opens the door for the enemy to attack
Suppose you have no boundaries, and someone offers you something to drink. Being the polite person you are, having difficulty saying no, you accept it even though you have a bad feeling about it. But suppose that drink had poison in it! Drinking it would be lethal!
Now, suppose you are in a relationship with someone who emotionally or physically abuses you. Or, suppose your mate drains your energy and hinders your growth. You are too afraid to walk away for whatever reasons. Unfortunately, you find yourself depressed and broken in every way years later. Had you walked away from the first sign of trouble, your life would be better, likely with a better partner.
Saying no protects you from harm. It allows you to listen to your inner self and make wise decisions. Of course, saying no does not always mean life or death. Saying no, however, assists you in making wise decisions that can deter you from making bad decisions that may affect you in the present or future. The Bible says, “A wise man forseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple (fool) pass on, and are punished.” (Proverbs 22:3 KJV)
If you know you are in a toxic environment, or someone asks you for a burdensome favor or to do something that doesn’t sit right with you, say no! You do not have to feel obligated to do anything or force yourself into compromising situations. Saying no at the right time, displays wisdom, and can prevent short-term or future problems and even save your life!
4. You will allow others to hurt you
We discussed how a lack of boundaries can cause you harm and deplete your energy. Let’s explore further how a lack of boundaries can also hurt you. Have you ever noticed that victims of bullies allow it to happen to themselves? It is because they lack boundaries. People like this have issues standing up for themselves and challenging poor behavior.
People who lack boundaries can feel confused when dealing with an adversary or foe. They are unsure whether to ignore the problem or react. I am here to tell you the worst thing to do is ignore someone looking for trouble. When dealing with a bully, you must stand up for yourself and make known when they overstep their boundaries with you.
My personal experience
I had an incident where a bully saw me in an elevator, walked in, and pushed me aside. Maybe she thought she was big, and I’m small, so let’s shove her a bit. But boy, was she wrong! As small as I was, I looked up at her and said, “excuse me, you just pushed me, I would appreciate it if you say sorry, thanks!”. Suddenly, she acted aloof and sincere, yet she had no intention of saying a word had I not said anything.
Anyway, she apologized and said she didn’t notice. But I call cap on that! The point is this woman overstepped my boundaries by invading my space and shoving me aside, which was rude and downright disrespectful. I called this ill-mannered woman out immediately; she knew how to proceed with me from then on!
Suppose she did it intentionally to see how I would react. Had I ignored her, she would have done something else, perhaps even worse! We have to nip in the bud a bully because they seek fear and capitalize on it. When we allow a bully to torment us, it can lead to so many problems, including depression, anxiety, and even missed or stolen opportunities!
The Bible’s remedy in avoiding others to harm you
The Bible states that the righteous are as bold as a lion (Proverbs 28:1). It also states that God does not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). Remember that nobody should intimidate, bully, or harass you. God’s word clearly says his followers must be fearless like a lion.
If you have difficulties with this, I urge you to fast and ask the Holy Spirit to strengthen you. According to Isaiah 40:29-31, God will increase your strength and power in any area of your life where you feel weak.
The overall consequence for and solution to setting Boundaries!
I have laid out the consequences of not setting boundaries. We now know that it will deplete your energy, making you a slave to the will of others while ignoring your own needs. It will turn people into witchcraft-like manipulators and block their journey to having a purposeful relationship with God. And overall, refusing to say no and not standing up for yourself will put you in harm’s way.
Now that I have outlined the ramifications of not setting boundaries, how do we develop the strength to have them? First and foremost, I am sure that by reading this blog, you feel compelled to set boundaries today! The good news is that conviction is the first step toward establishing boundaries with those you love and have close relationships with.
The second step is to read the word of God regularly and become familiar with who God is and what his word says about topics such as fear, control, worry, and guilt, to name a few. After being well-versed in these topics, pray and ask the Holy Spirit to lead and guide you. Finally, believe you have what you prayed for, and it will be yours!
Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.
Mark 11:24 KJV
You can be a kind person & still:
- Say no
- Prioritize your needs
- Set boundaries
- Disagree with people
- Be honest
- Challenge poor behaviour
- Walk away from toxic environments
- Make mistakes
- Stand up for yourself
- Protect your time and space.